Borderline Personality Disorder

Recovering from Borderline personality disorder

4 notes

I managed a whole hour of party tonight, essentially by myself because my mum wasn’t there to hold my hand and my sister had an essay to finish. I feel quite dreadful and overwhelmed and tired and shaky but I think I achieved something by confronting my fear instead of giving in to it.

I got to say hello to people I hadn’t seen in a long time, I danced a little bit (i wiggled awkwardly on the spot) I took my big cup with apple juice in it and it was a comforting thing to have with me.

The music was very loud and I wasn’t coping very well with that so I was going to take a moment away from it but I found I simply kept walking and walked myself all the way back to my room. I’m now in pajamas and feeling slightly less overwhelmed. I’m just trying really hard not to feel guilty for having a low tolerance threshold for parties at the moment.

Tomorrow I will try to have a low alcohol beer or two, livin’ on the edge.

Filed under party alcohol bpd anxiety socialising mental health

1 note

Finished the friendship bracelets! Just waiting on one shipping address and then I can take them both down to the post office and send them off to their new owners! (the colours are a bit saturated but I’m too lazy to fiddle with the colour levels before uploading this photo)

Finished the friendship bracelets! Just waiting on one shipping address and then I can take them both down to the post office and send them off to their new owners! (the colours are a bit saturated but I’m too lazy to fiddle with the colour levels before uploading this photo)

Filed under friendship bracelets winners giveaway

9 notes

DBT Grad Groups

theobstaclesarethepath:

So I’ve been testing the waters of two DBT Graduate Level Groups that do more advanced work and I think I’ve settled on one because it challenges me more and is more emotionally tangible if that makes sense to any of you. Plus it gives me a chance to work with the co-facilitator I didn’t have as my personal DBT therapist and I’m really looking forward to that. I just hope we vote to meet twice a month because I could really use that support coming out of being used to meeting every week. But my therapist makes a good case as to why bimonthly meetings are a bad idea. I would still rather prefer to have them as an option. Even if it’s going to cost more and be more of a commitment I would like to take on that commitment and cost so that I can further grow and continue to advance in my recovery process. Once a month is just too much time to process things, and to forget. I’d have to do a lot of documenting and with two classes this semester online that are reading and exercise intensive that might be a challenge. But I’m glad to have the opportunity to have the Grad Groups because I know some people go from having weekly DBT Group meetings to having no Group support at all. And I can’t imagine that. I would feel abandonment issues, I think. I already feel a loss from graduating from regular DBT even though I’m progressing, isn’t that strange. And I know I’ll see those people in Grad Groups eventually but I miss seeing them every week. Those strangers really do become part of your support network and you learn to count on them for wisdom and guidance and so many things that you don’t even realize. And when M said that I possess the heart of a Bodhisattva and emulate Bodhicittta it was deeply moving for me as a Buddhist as that is high praise for any Buddhist to hear and it was so validating for all my years of helping people selflessly. It’s like someone finally saw me and that meant the world to me and it helps me see myself. She gave me the best send off of anyone and they were all touching. I never knew I was such an inspiration to so many people. It’s surreal how things have changed in a year, it really is. Surreal. But this is recovery.

This is really inspirational! This kind of stuff make me feel positive about my own recovery :)

Filed under bpd dbt borderline personality disorder dialectical behavior therapy recovery

5 notes

Me:
is allergic to cats
Me:
rubs face in cat
Me:
has aggressive allergic reaction
Me:
....
Me:
rubs face in cat

5 notes

Giveaway winners!

The friendship bracelet giveaway deadline was midday today but I haven’t had a chance to sit down and make a post about it until now. I checked the post at midday for the number of notes and I am still really glad I had such a positive response and even gained a few followers (hello, welcome and thank you for being here!) anyway, I was halfway through browsing knitwear in primark so I waited until I was sat down with a cuppa to use a random number generator app and briefly notify the winners.

Just in case they didn’t get those messages - the winners are chronicpainwarrior and love-asian-dramas, congratulations!

Also, whilst in primark, I found a fairisle patterned cardigan with 80% wool content for £14 (score!) so along with the 25% wool jumper I’m knitting myself I think I’m definitely looking forward to being warm enough this winter. Many wool. Much cosy.

Filed under giveaway love-asian-dramas chronicpainwarrior friendship bracelets cardigan

8,870 notes

internal-acceptance-movement:

HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AFTER A LAPSE
1. Recognize that lapsing is a normal part of recovery. 
I don’t say that to justify lapsing or use as a cop out when things get difficult. I say it as a reminder that your recovery doesn’t have to be perfect in order to produce results. That said, no one’s recovery is perfect. Everyone has set backs and struggles. Everyone makes mistakes, messes up, and reverts to old behaviors — not because they’re weak or incapable, but because recovery is really, really difficult. Your behaviors helped you cope with trauma and incredible emotional pain. They allowed you to numb out and they kept you afloat when you felt like you were drowning. Letting go of something that helped you survive for so long is not easy. And it doesn’t happen over the course of a few days or months. It’s terrifying, painful, incredibly challenging, and it takes time. So be compassionate with yourself and your process. You’re doing the best you can to fight this and recover and it’s all you can ask of yourself. 
2. Use the lapse as a learning experience. 
You can’t go back in time and change the fact that you lapsed, but you can choose how you respond to it. You can wallow in self-pity, beat yourself up, and use what happened as an excuse to continue using behaviors. Or you can choose to use what happened as a learning experience. You can look at the lapse as an opportunity to collect important information about what triggers you to use behaviors and what you need in the moment to avoid a future lapse. 
3. Be curious.
Judging yourself for having a lapse doesn’t get you anywhere. It makes you feel worse and it keeps you stuck. Instead of feeding the cycle of self-hatred, treat yourself with compassionate curiosity and start asking questions:
What need did you have in the moment that wasn’t being met? Were you feeling lonely? Sad? Depressed? Angry? Hurt? Disappointed? Rejected? Invisible? Inadequate? When you turned to behaviors to cope, what were you really looking for? Did you need to feel safe? Did you need a way to express your feelings? Did you need to feel seen and heard? Did you need a distraction? Comfort? Control? How could you have gotten that need met in a non self-destructive way? And how can you take care of yourself in the future when these triggers come up again?
You don’t have to know the answer to all of these questions right now, but it’s important to start exploring and being curious.
4. Treat yourself like you would a friend.
If you had a friend or loved one who lapsed, you wouldn’t put them down. You wouldn’t call them a failure. You wouldn’t see them as worthless. And you wouldn’t discount all the progress they had made. You would treat them with kindness and compassion. You would give them a hug, remind them of how far they’ve come, and reassure them that just because they had one lapse doesn’t mean they can’t turn things around and get back on track. 
Well, you’re not an exception. You deserve to be treated with the same forgiveness and love you would so willingly give to anyone else who was struggling. So when your self-hating thoughts get loud and tell you that you’re a failure for lapsing, challenge them. And if in the moment it’s difficult to be nice to yourself, think of what you would say to someone you care about and apply those positive counters to your own thoughts. 
5. Reach out.
Don’t isolate and withdraw. It may feel safer, but it only perpetuates the pain you feel and keeps you stuck. In order to get back on track, you have to talk about what happened. You have to be honest with yourself and your support network. You have to give yourself permission to ask for help, use your voice, and make your needs known. Keeping secrets keeps us sick. If we want to heal, we have to break the silence. 
6. Get extra support.
If you’re struggling, you deserve to ask for help. Denying yourself extra support when things start going down hill isn’t noble or self-sacrificing. It’s self-destruction, and it’s a sure-fire way to put yourself at risk for another lapse. There is nothing shameful about asking for more help. It doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t make you a disappointment. And it doesn’t make you a burden. It makes you someone with the courage to be honest and the strength to make recovery a priority. It makes you determined and admirable and brave. It’s self-care and in order to get back on track and heal, it’s imperative. 
7. Focus on progress, not perfection. 
One lapse does NOT discount all of the days you went without using behaviors. It doesn’t make you weak or incapable or inadequate. It doesn’t make you a failure or erase your progress, and it definitely doesn’t mean you can’t get better. All a lapse means is that you were hurting so deeply and didn’t know how else to cope. It was a bad decision, but it doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. The lapse was just a bump in your road to recovery, but it doesn’t mean you have to start all over. You’re just continuing your journey right where you left off. So don’t give up. You will get to where you need to be in your own time. Until then, breathe, be patient, and trust that as long as you keep pushing forward, reaching out for help, and picking yourself back up, no matter how many times you lapse, you can and will recover.

internal-acceptance-movement:

HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF AFTER A LAPSE

1. Recognize that lapsing is a normal part of recovery. 

I don’t say that to justify lapsing or use as a cop out when things get difficult. I say it as a reminder that your recovery doesn’t have to be perfect in order to produce results. That said, no one’s recovery is perfect. Everyone has set backs and struggles. Everyone makes mistakes, messes up, and reverts to old behaviors — not because they’re weak or incapable, but because recovery is really, really difficult. Your behaviors helped you cope with trauma and incredible emotional pain. They allowed you to numb out and they kept you afloat when you felt like you were drowning. Letting go of something that helped you survive for so long is not easy. And it doesn’t happen over the course of a few days or months. It’s terrifying, painful, incredibly challenging, and it takes time. So be compassionate with yourself and your process. You’re doing the best you can to fight this and recover and it’s all you can ask of yourself. 

2. Use the lapse as a learning experience. 

You can’t go back in time and change the fact that you lapsed, but you can choose how you respond to it. You can wallow in self-pity, beat yourself up, and use what happened as an excuse to continue using behaviors. Or you can choose to use what happened as a learning experience. You can look at the lapse as an opportunity to collect important information about what triggers you to use behaviors and what you need in the moment to avoid a future lapse. 

3. Be curious.

Judging yourself for having a lapse doesn’t get you anywhere. It makes you feel worse and it keeps you stuck. Instead of feeding the cycle of self-hatred, treat yourself with compassionate curiosity and start asking questions:

What need did you have in the moment that wasn’t being met? Were you feeling lonely? Sad? Depressed? Angry? Hurt? Disappointed? Rejected? Invisible? Inadequate? When you turned to behaviors to cope, what were you really looking for? Did you need to feel safe? Did you need a way to express your feelings? Did you need to feel seen and heard? Did you need a distraction? Comfort? Control? How could you have gotten that need met in a non self-destructive way? And how can you take care of yourself in the future when these triggers come up again?

You don’t have to know the answer to all of these questions right now, but it’s important to start exploring and being curious.

4. Treat yourself like you would a friend.

If you had a friend or loved one who lapsed, you wouldn’t put them down. You wouldn’t call them a failure. You wouldn’t see them as worthless. And you wouldn’t discount all the progress they had made. You would treat them with kindness and compassion. You would give them a hug, remind them of how far they’ve come, and reassure them that just because they had one lapse doesn’t mean they can’t turn things around and get back on track. 

Well, you’re not an exception. You deserve to be treated with the same forgiveness and love you would so willingly give to anyone else who was struggling. So when your self-hating thoughts get loud and tell you that you’re a failure for lapsing, challenge them. And if in the moment it’s difficult to be nice to yourself, think of what you would say to someone you care about and apply those positive counters to your own thoughts. 

5. Reach out.

Don’t isolate and withdraw. It may feel safer, but it only perpetuates the pain you feel and keeps you stuck. In order to get back on track, you have to talk about what happened. You have to be honest with yourself and your support network. You have to give yourself permission to ask for help, use your voice, and make your needs known. Keeping secrets keeps us sick. If we want to heal, we have to break the silence. 

6. Get extra support.

If you’re struggling, you deserve to ask for help. Denying yourself extra support when things start going down hill isn’t noble or self-sacrificing. It’s self-destruction, and it’s a sure-fire way to put yourself at risk for another lapse. There is nothing shameful about asking for more help. It doesn’t make you weak. It doesn’t make you a disappointment. And it doesn’t make you a burden. It makes you someone with the courage to be honest and the strength to make recovery a priority. It makes you determined and admirable and brave. It’s self-care and in order to get back on track and heal, it’s imperative

7. Focus on progress, not perfection. 

One lapse does NOT discount all of the days you went without using behaviors. It doesn’t make you weak or incapable or inadequate. It doesn’t make you a failure or erase your progress, and it definitely doesn’t mean you can’t get better. All a lapse means is that you were hurting so deeply and didn’t know how else to cope. It was a bad decision, but it doesn’t make you a bad person. It makes you human. The lapse was just a bump in your road to recovery, but it doesn’t mean you have to start all over. You’re just continuing your journey right where you left off. So don’t give up. You will get to where you need to be in your own time. Until then, breathe, be patient, and trust that as long as you keep pushing forward, reaching out for help, and picking yourself back up, no matter how many times you lapse, you can and will recover.

(via leenyree)

Filed under recovery lapse mental health bpd coping